SELF-VALIDATION

While scrolling along my website, you may notice some old posts have been taken down.  The reason I’ve removed old blogs is because this year has given me so much time to reflect on my vision for my life. And thinking about that has spurred this change because theres a certain way I want to structure this blog.

Events  have occurred in my life that have really caused me to re-evaluate what I want out of life. I went from a goodie two-shoes Christian who wouldn’t dare step foot in a club, to a head-in-the-clouds liberal who believed that people should do whatever the hell it is they want, to someone who’s kind of in the middle. I’ve seen that people make choices based off of their self perceptions. I’ve seen that what defines a person is not in a man, woman, place, or thing. Those things certainly contribute to who we become, don’t get me wrong. But as human beings, we are much more than that!

I’ll be honest, even as a goodie-two-shoes Christian, I drooled over the idea of marriage and still saught validation from the idea of romance. But chose to attempt to do it how the church suggested to do it, which was to wait for my God-sent Knight in shining armor to come bursting through the doors and to work on myself until then, so I could be prepared for him. But eventually, I found out that concept was something that didn’t quite fit so, I decided to start dating. It was  fun, but something was still wrong.

Didn’t I have what I wanted? Validation from cute guys right? SO that meant I was all set. WRONG. Because as I started to realize something was missing, my ideals started to change.

During this process I really started to find myself.

During this dating period in my life, I thought I was secure because of all the attention I was getting, but I was DEAD WRONG. Why????? Because I based my existence, my reason for living, off of being validated by others.

And I wasn’t really able to have anything serious at the time because A. I was always busy and B. I was about to move.

It wasn’t really until my mom handed me a book about female empowerment that I started to realize what I was really doing. I wasn’t dating just for fun, or because I was looking for a spouse, but I was doing it to VALIDATE ME. I won’t say which book this was, but I will say that as I was reading this God-send, I started to realize that I am worth more than a “Good morning beautiful,” . Yes it’s nice to be complimented and adored, and in a real relationship I think it can be expected, but I have been starting to realize that I don’t want to be the type of person who NEEDS to hear that from a man.

I now realize that I have a vision for my life, and if I am to accomplish the goals I have before me, I cannot afford to be distracted by ANYTHING, including the attention of a man. I’m not saying I’m doing away with dating altogether, and I’m not saying that a man shouldn’t compliment a woman. What I am saying is that I have to place value on myself before I let any man into my life. In order for me to be constructive in a relationship, I need to be in a place where I approve of myself and don’t need to thrive off of a guys opinion, or anyone’s opinion for that matter. Because being in a place where I see my own worth gives me purpose, and once my life has meaning, I won’t have to beg a man to love or appreciate me, but, the man of my choosing automatically will.

And I’m not saying I want this blog to be all about love and romance, though I might shed a little light on those things here and there, but I do want people to know (no matter who you are) that no one can add worth to your life, and no one decides your worth but you, and God. However, I will say this: YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THERE ARE STARS IN THE SKY! Once you realize how amazing you truly are, you will walk in that and you will own that, and no amount of rejection or mistreatment will take that away from you. I want my posts to be structured around one main theme, and that is “know your worth,”.

Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day! 🙂

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Be You

Why do we do it? Why do we let people’s feelings over power our own?

The truth is, each of us are our own entity. Most of us choose to suppress it for the sake of other’s feelings, or what it might do to your relationships. But what if keeping hidden that wonderful, powerful person you have on the inside is causing more damage to your relationships than you think?

“What the fuck are you talking about? What is a hidden entity?” IF that’s your question after the first twenty seconds of reading this, let me enlighten you.

Your hidden entity is who you are, apart from your family, friends, spouses.  In other words, this concept can be seen as your individual self; you! Just you!

“Well, how is me hiding this destructive to my relationships?” Well, put it this way: what relationship do you have with someone you don’t know? And what healing is being brought about by you continuing that persons attachment to who they think you are? Think about that for a second.

As your individual self, you might have a deep passion for something, but you may feel that the world around you, or even your peers, discourage you from pursuing it.

Don’t let them. If you like art, then screw it. Pursue art. If you like math, then screw it! Crunch those numbers..

Brandish that paint brush, wield that calculator. OR whatever it is you like to do.

It’s apart of who you are, and yes it’s good to have folks who support that. But to those who don’t have that luxury, I say, STOP BEING AFRAID OF THAT PART OF YOURSELF! THAT BEAUTIFUL PART OF YOU THAT YOU KEEP HIDDEN FROM EVERYONE ELSE, and maybe even yourself!

Am I saying quit your job and go around willy-nilly with the calculator or paint brush?

For Pete’s sake no! But if there’s something beautiful inside of you that you feel you should share with the world, then pursue it, but take the necessary steps.
If that’s finding out financial aid for a college of interest, or figuring out how you’re going to pursue a career in your field of interest, then so be it.

But it’s time you let the nay sayers be the nay-sayers.

You are only in control of you, and in this life, that’s what counts. That you get to make your own choices!

Have a great day, and remember to be your wonderful self. 😉

Tips for Writers and Artists in a Creative Rut

As a writer and an artist, there have been moments where I would try to work on a project but just wasn’t in an artistic mood. Because I know how that can be, I decided to compile a short list of tips to help anyone who feels like they’re in a productive rut.

  1. Shut off the electronics- . You’ve probably heard this before, but avoiding the gadgets might be best when you need creative inspiration. . Any time I’ve ever had writers block or felt like I couldn’t come up with anything artful, I would just shut off the TV, the smart phone, the computer, and anything else that made me feel distracted. When there’s no distractions around, it helps me clear my mind, resulting in helping me create something I can be proud of.
  2. Play some tunes- I know this is opposite of number one, however, this is the option I turn to when number 1 fails me. Playing my favorite music really helps me to have fun and get productive with whatever project I’m trying to finish.
  3. Take a break- This may seem counterproductive, but it really can help. Sometimes, we get so busy that we overwork ourselves, so sometimes the only way to get creative is to quit trying and to go do something fun. You can go out with friends, see a movie, take a walk, or whatever helps you unwind.
  4. Just do it! –A lot of times we avoid being creative because we’re afraid. I can’t tell you how many times sitting down and just writing has helped my writer’s dry spells!

If you’re not feeling inspired enough, just remember, you’re not the only one who goes through it, and there is a way out!

Have a wonderful day and remember to be yourself! 🙂

Have You Ever Just Wanted to Scream?

Have you ever just had one of those days where you just want to scream? If you have, I understand that feeling. I think it’s something everyone goes through. But have you ever just stopped to question why you have that emotion?

A lot of times, you don’t have to think twice. You already know the reason you feel like just letting it all out. Sometimes, we’re just so fed up with life, that we just want to go sit in a hole, and never come out. Other times, we’re fearful of losing things that matter to us. So where does that feeling of wanting to scream come from? Insecurity.

I actually think that insecurity about things comes from the fear of losing something close to ones heart. I think the reason for those feelings, honestly, is because something happened to make us think that we’ll lose something important to us.

I think this feeling is a lot like how preschoolers feel at snack time. Imagine, sitting at the table, and watching the teacher pass a gram-cracker to every child but you. Now, some kids will react a few different ways: they’ll be patient, and wait, because they trust that the teacher did not forget them, others bang their fists on the table screaming from the top of their lungs, and don’t forget the kids who sit there feeling abandoned and neglected, and are quiet for a while but then start crying. The kid who sits patiently gets their gram cracker, and the other two end up getting their gram cracker, learning that the teacher would always give everyone a snack.

I feel like insecurity is a lot like snack time in preschool because when you’re insecure, you feel like there is something to lose. Maybe it’s a sense of self, maybe it’s money, or whatever else you might find precious.

So are we just doomed with the crippling plague of insecurity for the rest of our lives? I think that’s an answer everyone should answer personally. But my answer to that, is no. There is a way I can battle that, and it’s through faith that things will workout in the end, and an unrelenting determination to roll with the punches, and even when I KO, I’m still kickin’.

 

Everyone Should Feel Beautiful In Their Own Skin

Hello, welcome to LiveLifeLoved2016:

Now, I  know since this is my first blog post I should give a big greeting, and give a whole gist about what this blog page is truly about, but there’s an issue that’s been tugging at my heart for a while now, and it’s really hard to hold it in.

Earlier today I was watching a YouTube video, and the dreaded commercial interrupted my viewing pleasure. I might have skipped it, but it sparked my interest so I chose to watch most of it. It was a Dove commercial about beauty. I know there’s tons of those, but out of all of the ads I’ve seen from Dove, this one stood out to me the most.

Dove Commercial on Beauty

The commercial shows the viewer a diverse group of woman from different walks of life, all radiating beautiful self-worth. One was a fashion blogger who’s been judged because of her weight, another was judged because she wasn’t perceived as pretty or girly, another because her hair was too curly, and a few others.

I found this commercial both inspiring and upsetting. I found it inspiring because despite the negative criticism from people around them, those women still found worth in themselves and felt free to be themselves regardless of the thoughts of others. I found it upsetting, not because of the message of the commercial. I loved this ad, but I was upset that there’s so many different standards for beauty. Now, that’s not to say people can’t have their opinions. But I feel that putting standards on what defines beauty limits both the person being judged, and the person doing the judging.

It limits the person being judged because it  can cause one to feel that if they don’t look how people want them to look, then they’ve failed the standard and are somehow devalued. However, that’s not to say that one can’t look passed the opinions of others. That’s why the women in that commercial are great examples of high self esteem; they don’t seem to care to let the thoughts of others affect how they see theirselves.

And when one chooses to criticize a person’s looks based on some pre-concieved notion on what beauty truly is, I think they deeply miss the point. Yes, people should be able to have their own views. But when one limits the definition of beauty to hair, face, body, and clothing, then they miss the perfect opportunity to look at the soul of the person!!!

So ends my rant. 🙂